Being a Mom is … realizing you haven’t updated your Mom blog.
It’s been a few months since I last did any update and it’s because of one thing really—my kids.
Gone are the days when I had all the free time in the world to do what I wanted. You hear it all the time that kids will take up your time, but those words really don’t make an impact on you until after the kids come.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say that I regret having children. Never. Having kids was one of my biggest goals in MY life. I wanted to become a mom and was aware of the obstacles and challenges. I might have done things differently, sure. Explore the world a bit more and really enjoy the freedom that I did not realize I had (of course being poor kind of limits any freedom you can do). Start my business when I was younger so I really had that business experience. There’s a lot of things I wish I did before my kids, but never in my life will I ever say I don’t want them.
I do wish I was aware of what sort of time I would lose out on by having kids in my life. Being a mom is still new. I’ve been doing this gig for three years now so I have some moderate experience… and then baby number two came and yeah. Still adjusting. But I really want to talk more about motherhood and the life of being a mom like all those popular mom blogs.
I just … don’t know where to begin.
I suppose I could mention that the horrible nights of my son not being able to sleep is long over. I think that might explain my absence since it was a struggle dealing with his tummy issues. He sleeps like a champion now and eats like one, too.
I could talk about my son and his inability to eat anything I make him. How the hell do parents feed their kids? Mine once liked nuggets and now he doesn’t. He once liked ravioli and now he doesn’t. He has such a picky appetite that there are nights he doesn’t eat anything at all until the next morning. I’m trying to figure out if there is some magic wand that I wave to get my son to eat the food I cook.
A struggling challenge I encounter a lot these days is balancing two kids and keeping self-employed. The struggle there was a nightmare with two up until we finally bought a super hand-me-down couch to sit upstairs in the living room. Sure, it’s hideous and has the ugliest floral print I have ever seen, but my god did it save me. Now I can have my children in the living room so I can work…when they let me.
Perhaps the biggest thing to talk about is that my son is going to be a year old soon. One year. Can you believe that? With my first, it felt like time passed incredibly slow. I lavished and ate up every single second of his babyhood. I loved it and hated it but mostly loved it. With the second one, I seem to have gotten over baby stages. I knew right when he was born that I would no longer sleep for three months. Now that he sleeps like a champion, I can finally stop being a zombie. Of course there is the issue of his mobility becoming a new problem. Curse their figuring out they can move…
So yeah, that has been my life for the last few months of radio silence. I was still adjusting to being a mom of two. Now that I’ve finally found a balance, I guess you can expect a lot more of me trying to explain this new life of mine that I’m bumbling through but loving every moment.
I mean if it doesn’t bore you to read… cause it sure does feel like I wrote a bunch of nothing.
I remember going to do my glucose test three years ago when I was pregnant with Daniel. I recall this one mom bringing in her toddler to also have his blood drawn. The nurse took them in and – with a little of bit fussing – managed to complete the task on time. She thanked the phlebotomist and headed out. The phlebotomist then ushered me in and immediately started to make fun of the mother.
“He’s still in diapers, can you believe that?” she said while shaking her head and sticking the needle into my vein. “What is that mom doing? He’s about four and still in diapers. That’s a damn shame.”
“Yeah, she should know better,” I said with an awkward grin. In truth, I wasn’t sure why she was even mocking this woman with me. Maybe she was a first time mom just like me doing her best to raise her little boy. And yet I sat and listened as this professional mocked the woman for not having her son trained out of diapers.
Looking back, I wish I had spoken up and said something in her defense. But seeing as I was not even a mom yet, I didn’t know what to say.
That was the moment when my anxiety kicked in and the fear raising mine sunk in. The fear of judgment on how I raise my child.
Daniel is about to turn three next month and enjoying all the things about summer so far. Next month we plan to celebrate with a few friends and family. I’m both excited and worried at the same time about it for a few reasons. One is because my son is TURNING THREE! That means for three years I have been doing the deed of being a parent. Somehow.
The other reason is because of a problem I have known about for a while: his speech delay. He doesn’t speak sentences like I imagine most children do at his age. He doesn’t communicate with us his wants or needs. He knows how to show us what he wants and he understands a little of what we say, but he doesn’t know how to speak to us. His vocabulary is small and most of it is just echoing what we say.
Many moms say this seems to be normal for boys in general. Others say that their kids have some sort of delayed something so its natural. I plan to get him evaluated and do all the necessary steps to see about getting that fixed.
Some tend to sympathize with me since they are either in the same boat themselves. Others have been encouraging, supportive, and offered excellent ideas or suggestions.
But then there are some who have offered thoughts that tend to be more critical than supportive. While I don’t expect everyone to understand when I seek out help or vent, it tends to kick my fears into overdrive. Sometimes it’s not even because of verbal or written communication to others. It can be a look from a parent at the store when my son is having a tantrum. It can be the noise that comes from our table when we are out eating. I worry a lot about how others view my parenting skills when they witness his behavior.
What are they thinking? Do they think I’m an idiot? Too free? Not disciplining right?
I have lived with social anxiety all my life. I’ve managed to cope with it in my adulthood, but it almost feels amplified when it comes to parenting. The constant worry that someone is laughing or judging. The fear of widespread gossip or just disappointing thoughts on my decision making. The awful feeling of knowing someone out there thinks I am doing a bad job.
Anxiety is weird like that. While it makes no sense why I would think that way, these are the thoughts I often tackle as a parent. With no relief, all I can do is try my best to ignore it.
I think what helps is that I tell myself my son is happy. Bottom line he’s a healthy and happy boy. He laughs, he runs, he plays. He’s a lively child with a ton of energy that is difficult to contain.
With my son’s speech delay, I need to tell myself it’s not my fault. I have to remember that every child is different, including Daniel. That no matter what sort of disability or learning issue he may run across, my son is perfect in his own way.
“Regardless of what he may or may not be, he is still just Daniel.”
The words of a friend that still rings now. No matter what, he is an amazing kid. My kid.
What matters is that my son is happy. That our family is happy. While it may not be easy to tune ou my fears that comes with my anxiety issues, I know that I am doing the best I can. Nobody can be or is the Perfect Parent.
We strive to do the best we can for our littles and hope they turn out to be decent human beings. In my case, this too will be something he conquers.
You’ve made several attempts to rock the baby to sleep. The Rock N Play purchased to auto rock goes unused because he hates it. A wailing cry that pierces the ears of my husband and disrupts the both of us from getting any sleep.
Just like all those commercials and classic movie scenes, being up all night with a baby sucks. Saying goodbye to a good night’s rest is the trade off for being a parent. The joke goes that you must say goodbye to regular sleep and hello to long evenings spent looking at your clock.
Last month, I delivered my second, Junior. I have been over the moon about his arrival for the past few days. Not just because he’s here, but because I am finally done with the god awful pain of pregnancy. There are some mothers who find pregnancy easy and breezy, and then there is me. If there was a way to skip that part of child-bearing, I would have hit fast forward a long time ago.
It’s been close to five weeks and Junior is already showing us just how different he is from my first son. His arrival has brought with him a whole batch of new challenges. Most of the challenges I’ve already got a good handle on. The diaper changing, the late night feeding, and even the cries are a little tolerable now.
There is only one thing I have been ill-prepared for. My son has Colic.
Colic is an unknown diagnosis given for babies that cry for two hours straight with no pause.
Some think its gas while others aren’t sure. All I know is that my son has the ugliest cry when he’s upset. Grunting, groaning, and often confusing me to think he’s a grown man. It’s referred to as a fussy stage but this sort of crying is nothing I have ever seen. It keeps my husband and I awake for late hours and me occupied all throughout the day with his constant wailing.
Babies wail. Yes, I know. Some wailing is fine, but this kind of wailing was just too much.
Last night was a bit of the final straw for me. After the third attempt to put him down to sleep only to have him cry, I was ready to break down and cry myself. Not only was it making it impossible for me to sleep, but my husband was also suffering the consequences of it. Neither one of us was getting any sleep. Worst of all, I feel terrible knowing our little junior is unhappy about something we can’t fix. Even after several diaper changes, feedings, and cuddling, nothing can stop the crying.
We needed to do something.
Our first son, Daniel, was an OK sleeper. I say OK because there was the downside of him wanting to sleep in bed with us. Unlike my second son, he kept his milk down, was never gassy, and crying was minimal. He wasn’t completely easy, but in comparison, I can definitely say he was an easy newborn. Still, his inability to sleep in his bed space meant trying alternatives to get him to do so. That’s when I learned about Gripe Water.
Gripe Water is a natural medicine used for gassy and colicky babies. It’s supposed to help put their tummies at ease by using safe, natural, vegan products. It’s supposed to help with hiccups and teething, too.
Has it worked? Well … yes? Within minutes of his first dose, our son quieted down and finally got some sleep.
… for like two hours.
That is not to say it didn’t work, just that it was not a permanent fix. I can expect him to wake up every two to three hours to eat. So as long as he is getting some kind of sleep, that’s all that matters. My recommendation for Gripe Water is Mommy’s Bliss. Unlike another brand that was thick, black, and stained my son’s outfit, this one was easy to give. You can believe this brand will remain in my cabinets until he can get a full night’s sleep on his won.
So it worked but it wasn’t a fixer of everything. Point is that this newborn stage is going to be a rough ride regardless of what we do. All the medical interventions in the world will not save us for the next three months.
Well … except Zantac. He needed that. Reflux was not doing him any favors by throwing up his milk.
If either of us seems grumpy, forgive us. It’s possible that one of us spent the evening with no rest and running off coffee fumes.
Well .. at least I have is this adorable image of him sleeping. You would never know his crying sounds like James Brown in the bathroom.
Sleep on, little on. Sleep on.