I remember going to do my glucose test three years ago when I was pregnant with Daniel. I recall this one mom bringing in her toddler to also have his blood drawn. The nurse took them in and – with a little of bit fussing – managed to complete the task on time. She thanked the phlebotomist and headed out. The phlebotomist then ushered me in and immediately started to make fun of the mother.
“He’s still in diapers, can you believe that?” she said while shaking her head and sticking the needle into my vein. “What is that mom doing? He’s about four and still in diapers. That’s a damn shame.”
“Yeah, she should know better,” I said with an awkward grin. In truth, I wasn’t sure why she was even mocking this woman with me. Maybe she was a first time mom just like me doing her best to raise her little boy. And yet I sat and listened as this professional mocked the woman for not having her son trained out of diapers.
Looking back, I wish I had spoken up and said something in her defense. But seeing as I was not even a mom yet, I didn’t know what to say.
That was the moment when my anxiety kicked in and the fear raising mine sunk in. The fear of judgment on how I raise my child.
Daniel is about to turn three next month and enjoying all the things about summer so far. Next month we plan to celebrate with a few friends and family. I’m both excited and worried at the same time about it for a few reasons. One is because my son is TURNING THREE! That means for three years I have been doing the deed of being a parent. Somehow.
The other reason is because of a problem I have known about for a while: his speech delay. He doesn’t speak sentences like I imagine most children do at his age. He doesn’t communicate with us his wants or needs. He knows how to show us what he wants and he understands a little of what we say, but he doesn’t know how to speak to us. His vocabulary is small and most of it is just echoing what we say.
Many moms say this seems to be normal for boys in general. Others say that their kids have some sort of delayed something so its natural. I plan to get him evaluated and do all the necessary steps to see about getting that fixed.
Some tend to sympathize with me since they are either in the same boat themselves. Others have been encouraging, supportive, and offered excellent ideas or suggestions.
But then there are some who have offered thoughts that tend to be more critical than supportive. While I don’t expect everyone to understand when I seek out help or vent, it tends to kick my fears into overdrive. Sometimes it’s not even because of verbal or written communication to others. It can be a look from a parent at the store when my son is having a tantrum. It can be the noise that comes from our table when we are out eating. I worry a lot about how others view my parenting skills when they witness his behavior.
What are they thinking? Do they think I’m an idiot? Too free? Not disciplining right?
I have lived with social anxiety all my life. I’ve managed to cope with it in my adulthood, but it almost feels amplified when it comes to parenting. The constant worry that someone is laughing or judging. The fear of widespread gossip or just disappointing thoughts on my decision making. The awful feeling of knowing someone out there thinks I am doing a bad job.
Anxiety is weird like that. While it makes no sense why I would think that way, these are the thoughts I often tackle as a parent. With no relief, all I can do is try my best to ignore it.
I think what helps is that I tell myself my son is happy. Bottom line he’s a healthy and happy boy. He laughs, he runs, he plays. He’s a lively child with a ton of energy that is difficult to contain.
With my son’s speech delay, I need to tell myself it’s not my fault. I have to remember that every child is different, including Daniel. That no matter what sort of disability or learning issue he may run across, my son is perfect in his own way.
“Regardless of what he may or may not be, he is still just Daniel.”
The words of a friend that still rings now. No matter what, he is an amazing kid. My kid.
What matters is that my son is happy. That our family is happy. While it may not be easy to tune ou my fears that comes with my anxiety issues, I know that I am doing the best I can. Nobody can be or is the Perfect Parent.
We strive to do the best we can for our littles and hope they turn out to be decent human beings. In my case, this too will be something he conquers.
You’ve made several attempts to rock the baby to sleep. The Rock N Play purchased to auto rock goes unused because he hates it. A wailing cry that pierces the ears of my husband and disrupts the both of us from getting any sleep.
Just like all those commercials and classic movie scenes, being up all night with a baby sucks. Saying goodbye to a good night’s rest is the trade off for being a parent. The joke goes that you must say goodbye to regular sleep and hello to long evenings spent looking at your clock.
Last month, I delivered my second, Junior. I have been over the moon about his arrival for the past few days. Not just because he’s here, but because I am finally done with the god awful pain of pregnancy. There are some mothers who find pregnancy easy and breezy, and then there is me. If there was a way to skip that part of child-bearing, I would have hit fast forward a long time ago.
It’s been close to five weeks and Junior is already showing us just how different he is from my first son. His arrival has brought with him a whole batch of new challenges. Most of the challenges I’ve already got a good handle on. The diaper changing, the late night feeding, and even the cries are a little tolerable now.
There is only one thing I have been ill-prepared for. My son has Colic.
Colic is an unknown diagnosis given for babies that cry for two hours straight with no pause.
Some think its gas while others aren’t sure. All I know is that my son has the ugliest cry when he’s upset. Grunting, groaning, and often confusing me to think he’s a grown man. It’s referred to as a fussy stage but this sort of crying is nothing I have ever seen. It keeps my husband and I awake for late hours and me occupied all throughout the day with his constant wailing.
Babies wail. Yes, I know. Some wailing is fine, but this kind of wailing was just too much.
Last night was a bit of the final straw for me. After the third attempt to put him down to sleep only to have him cry, I was ready to break down and cry myself. Not only was it making it impossible for me to sleep, but my husband was also suffering the consequences of it. Neither one of us was getting any sleep. Worst of all, I feel terrible knowing our little junior is unhappy about something we can’t fix. Even after several diaper changes, feedings, and cuddling, nothing can stop the crying.
We needed to do something.
Our first son, Daniel, was an OK sleeper. I say OK because there was the downside of him wanting to sleep in bed with us. Unlike my second son, he kept his milk down, was never gassy, and crying was minimal. He wasn’t completely easy, but in comparison, I can definitely say he was an easy newborn. Still, his inability to sleep in his bed space meant trying alternatives to get him to do so. That’s when I learned about Gripe Water.
Gripe Water is a natural medicine used for gassy and colicky babies. It’s supposed to help put their tummies at ease by using safe, natural, vegan products. It’s supposed to help with hiccups and teething, too.
Has it worked? Well … yes? Within minutes of his first dose, our son quieted down and finally got some sleep.
… for like two hours.
That is not to say it didn’t work, just that it was not a permanent fix. I can expect him to wake up every two to three hours to eat. So as long as he is getting some kind of sleep, that’s all that matters. My recommendation for Gripe Water is Mommy’s Bliss. Unlike another brand that was thick, black, and stained my son’s outfit, this one was easy to give. You can believe this brand will remain in my cabinets until he can get a full night’s sleep on his won.
So it worked but it wasn’t a fixer of everything. Point is that this newborn stage is going to be a rough ride regardless of what we do. All the medical interventions in the world will not save us for the next three months.
Well … except Zantac. He needed that. Reflux was not doing him any favors by throwing up his milk.
If either of us seems grumpy, forgive us. It’s possible that one of us spent the evening with no rest and running off coffee fumes.
Well .. at least I have is this adorable image of him sleeping. You would never know his crying sounds like James Brown in the bathroom.
Sleep on, little on. Sleep on.
I did it. I got up and did the thing.
I made this blog. This blog right here that you’re reading.
Why is that such a big deal?
Well…. my last website was back in 2007. It was my last attempt to try and keep my hobby of web design and blogging alive and it lasted all for one month. After that domain expired I was convinced it would be the last time I would ever blog.
…I guess I was wrong.
So how do I start this off? Introductions!
Hi. I’m Sabrina.
See that picture up there? That’s me.
I’m really nothing special. Average face, big lips, large nose, and dark skin. I wear make-up when its convenient but I look like this almost everyday. That way if you ever come across me you’re not shocked by my appearance (“Oh wow, you look … different in person” said someone a long time ago when they met me for the first time).
So if you’re expecting a beautiful diva here then … no. I’m just plain ol’ me. Memorized? Good! Moving on.
So that is me in a nutshell. Well, more of a gigantic nutshell but you get the drift.
I made this website and blog to focus on three subjects: Being a black woman, a mom, and a nerd. These three things matter most to me and will always be the highlight, purpose, and reason behind this blog. I may occasionally go off topic and ramble of other topics that matter to me but you can trust and believe I will never, ever stray from the purpose behind this blog’s existence. I’ll ramble about my natural hair journey, discuss living life as a black woman, rave or rant about mom things, and will occasional geek about a game or two. Anything that fits under those three subjects will be here. Perhaps that describes you? Perhaps it doesn’t! Maybe you can relate to one or two of the three subjects or none at all. What matters is that you’re here and you’re going to stay and read or just be on your merry way. Either way, I’m here to stay.
Okay, I’ll just be honest. I don’t know what this blog will become in the weeks or months to follow. I might change a few things or a lot. Heck, this layout might look different by morning! But one thing is for certain is I’m going to try and see it through longer than just a month like my last website.